Self-Aware

mixed metaphors ask me what am I 
shadows get stuck under my fingernails-
polish my palms with sterling silver lips-
stick to what you know you can make-
upbeat all day but can’t meet my eye-
liner notes detail mistakes in strands of hair-
tied down to a dull razor blade in the 

shower with lights off 
speaking with stutter 
spinning backwards
don’t look at me 
just listen

I forget to breathe
I leave sleep to chance
dreaming about green
and alternate realities 
and half-assed attempts at personalities
I read about death
and self-fulfilling prophecies
and contradictory self-aware identities
I never received

  a list for seeing a - point of view, all disassociated 
to mist, pouring a - drink for a conversation starter
   this morning’s a - metronome, ticking
     clock hits 4 am - sleep is a misnomer, headspaces 
insist on soaring a - bove this dissonance, but I’m obsessed
with this boring a - symmetry, searching for synonyms
     for exploring a - wasteland, making ends meet 
   while ignoring a - subliminal
   discourse, feel a - nerve ending pinch 
    it’s an ordeal to - consider the null hypothesis 
              or lease a - new apartment. At least,
                                 I think
        this forest of - contradictory thoughts
                                 is not
            dysphoria;